I happened upon the below poem … it spoke to my heart and I thought maybe it would speak to someone who might happen upon my blog …
There’s just no accounting for happiness,
or the way it turns up like a prodigal
who comes back to the dust at your feet
having squandered a fortune far away.
And how can you not forgive?
You make a feast in honor of what
was lost, and take from its place the finest
garment, which you saved for an occasion
you could not imagine, and you weep night and day
to know that you were not abandoned,
that happiness saved its most extreme form
for you alone.
No, happiness is the uncle you never
knew about, who flies a single-engine plane
onto the grassy landing strip, hitchhikes
into town, and inquires at every door
until he finds you asleep mid-afternoon
as you so often are during the unmerciful
hours of your despair.
It comes to the monk in his cell.
It comes to the woman sweeping the street
with a birch broom, to the child
whose mother has passed out from drink.
It comes to the lover, to the dog chewing
a sock, to the pusher, to the basket maker,
and to the clerk stacking cans of carrots
in the night.
It even comes to the boulder
in the perpetual shade of pine barrens,
to the rain falling on the open sea,
to the wineglass, weary of holding wine.
Who am I?
I am …
Who I am!
Sounds like a line straight out of a Dr Suess book. Actually, I think it IS a line out of a Dr Suess book! For those “just wondering,” it is a statement.
I am a woman
I am breathing
I am hearing
I am seeing
I am heart
I am complete
I am not perfect
I am invisible
I am not insignificant
To those who want to know …
I am me
And I am here.
Ignore me? … look beyond me? … see through me?
Our lives painfully touch … nonetheless, you do not see … eyes wide shut.
And yet …
I am STILL here.
Heartache from shattering circumstances beyond our control can change you. It is detrimental to anyone’s state of mind. Because of that, it can and usually does affect those around us: our relationships, our friendships and our outlook on life. Maybe not on the surface, maybe not out in plain sight, but little by little, it has the potential to eat away at our relationships from the inside out. This process is even more detrimental when all involved have been personally affected. Each of us has our own way of dealing – some will check-out, some will lash out, while others will look elsewhere for comfort or numbness. You would think that it would be easier going through this as a couple. That somehow being a couple, the oneness would assist you in getting through the pain. But, we struggle with our own individual grief. We look to each other for comfort and we come up empty. They are dealing with their own need for comfort, for answers, for someone or something to blame. Neither of us is able to give. The result on the relationship is devastating. Where do you find the comfort you need if not from your husband, your wife or your significant other? If not from the person who is experiencing the same, then from where or from whom do we find this comfort? It is hard to give something when you are struggling with emptiness. So … resentment follows. Distance follows. Turning elsewhere follows. Even when the circumstance that resulted in the heartache finally comes to a place, a happy ending so to speak, the pain of the process does not miraculously go away. The circumstances that brought us to this point still linger. The results of decisions made during the devastation still remain. Even while we rejoice, we still bear pain: pain of isolation, resentment, blame, guilt. You celebrate together, but inside, you are still processing the pain that persists. And so, the answer is: to process, to move forward, to heal, to give what you are able, to eventually understand the limitations of each other; because the process of grief and the process of healing are individual. Continue to heal. And hopefully, in time, you will be able to give what is needed and to ultimately come through stronger together than ever.
I am not an expert – just someone who is still walking through the process, even years after the ‘happy ending’. Never Give Up.